This post is part 2 of  a larger piece on breaking the rules of self-improvement. If you missed the first part- and rules 1 and 2- click here to read it.

3. The Rule: Just think positively. Manifest the changes. 

If you create a positive space of intention, the changes you desire will come.

Why you should break it: 

This one is tough. On the other end of the spectrum from “No Pain, No Gain”, this omnipresent wisdom is beautiful. Freeing. Magical and fluid. But in its expansiveness it’s also a little dangerous.

Writing it in my journal of intentions doesn’t mean it will magically come to fruition.

Perhaps that sounds callous or jaded- perhaps it is. And perhaps that’s because I’ve found myself at both ends of this spectrum, writing well-thought-out intentions and then watching the dream pass me by while I feverishly scribbled an addendum, and then chocked it up to “it wasn’t meant to be”.

Or, maybe I just didn’t put in my half of the effort. 

I believe we’re co-creating this reality.  Co-manifesting. There is absolutely power in creating intentions and bringing absolute clarity around our desires, but when we send them off to the great mystery, we don’t get to relinquish all responsibility.

Try a little check-in:

• When I set that intention, did I take action steps to move myself towards it?
• Was/is there still a part of me that’s resisting that growth, outwardly or on an energetic level? IE, am I creating barriers?
• Do I believe in my deepest heart that this growth is possible?

Instead:

When you identify ways in which you want to grow and become a fuller expression of yourself, choose three (yes, just three) action steps you can take within the next two weeks to start moving yourself in that direction. As a co-manifestor, the Universe needs to see that you’re putting forth an effort too. If you want to travel? Start doing some research. Set up an airfare watcher for your desired destination. If you want a new job? Spiff up your resume. Take a class that boosts your skills. Ask someone out for lunch who’s on the path your craving, and pick their brain. These things are all pleasurable- far from the “this will be messy” approach- but they send active signals that you’re ready to grow.

The Rule: Own your growth process.

Be honest and open about what you’re working through, and proudly share your story of growth.

Why you should break it:

“Woundology”. Caroline Myss’s word, not mine- it expresses that tricky place we can slip into if we begin showing ourselves to the world first through the lens of whatever we’re “working on”, and then as the whole person beneath. Lest I sound preachy, here’s an example, albeit a simple one:

Cleansing. It’s that time of year (at least here in the mountains), and I’ve caught myself multiple times responding to, “How’s it going?” with, “It’s going pretty well, I’m cleansing, so….”  

Suddenly, I become my cleanse. I become my supposedly toxified body in need of copious kale.  I am not just a toxic body. First, my body isn’t that toxic, and second, I’ve got a lot of other good things happening in my world that are far more representative of who I am.

I’m not suggesting that we obsessively hide our work- no need. We are all works in progress, practicing living in our fullness. But when we arrange the lenses of how we present ourselves to the world, do we choose to show up as a whole person with room for improvement, or purely as someone in need of fixing?

Ask:

• When I sit down to tea with a close friend, what am I most likely to talk about? How often am I focused on what I’m “working on”?
• Am I so focused on the things about myself that “need improvement” that I forget about the wholeness- which is already pretty great?

Instead: 

Acknowledge that this life is a practice. Each day will come with opportunities for growth and expansion, it’s true- but celebrate the road you’ve already walked, too. Know that you are far more than the sum of your wounds and identify the shining, bright parts first. If the work you’re doing to continue your growth comes up in conversation, share honestly and openly. But don’t let it become your sole identifier.

5) The Rule: Never stop seeking.    

We are always works in progress, and we must continually seek growth until we reach Enlightenment.

Why you should break it:

Because: This wisdom from the urban rebel mystic, Osho:

“Stop seeking. That which is, is; stop and see.”

Because: Said another way, you are here- when you are continually seeking, you’re always looking out there. Stop and see what already is amazing.

Because: This, friends, is the very core of what I want to tell you. Tell the world. Give me a soapbox tall enough, and I’ll do it: We are all works in progress. We are not expected to be perfect, flawless beings. But that’s not because we’re broken, or wrong, or in need of fixing.

It’s because we’re constantly evolving. Physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally.  But it’s not hierarchical. There’s no one place in evolution that’s better than another. Just… different.

And when you settle into that- relax and connect with the You that’s already amazing, and stop seeking something “new and improved”- you’ll realize just how magical this Life thing really is.

And if Osho has anything to say about it, that is where you’ll find enlightenment.

{But that’s another story.}

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