This week, I’ve found myself holding my hands over my heart, unintentionally covering, clutching, for no particular reason. Falling asleep, standing in the kitchen, hands to my heart. Fingers entwined. Hm.
When I finally noticed {how long have I been doing this?}, all of those Self Help Junkie snippets came flooding in. “You’re feeling insecure.” “You’re protecting your heart.” “Are you being hurt by someone you love?” “You must have a heart chakra blockage.” Like millions of little flies buzzing around my face.
Bleah.
Swatting them wincingly, I clicked on the stark light of the kitchen and sat down to have a chat with Me. We’ve been having a lot of these lately and they’re generally confusing, enlightening, and then make me so excited I can’t sleep. So be it. In the end, I learn something. Usually something big. So here it is.
Putting your heart, your Truth, out into the world is scary. Terrifying. Whether you’re giving your writing (ahem), your art, your voice, your performance or your activism, you are stripping down to your metaphorical skivvies and showing your core to the world. Extreme. Radical. Whoa.
I could get criticized. Laughed at. Called out for being wrong. An imposter. Not good enough. Imperfect. It’s enough to make a girl want to hide under the covers, forever in a safe zone. Cover up my heart and I’m risk free.
But then, I won’t be seen, either. I deny the world the opportunity to learn from me, to reap the wisdom of my gifts, to hear my story. And, well, the world NEEDS me.
{but what if?}
What we spend our days doing, all day, every day, is judging. And that’s important- it’s how we know good from bad, right from wrong, healthy versus unhealthy. As I write these words, I am judging what phrasing will pack the most powerful sentiment possible. How you might receive my words. You are judging my content. My “voice”. It’s what we do.
But what I hope for- what I know to be true- is if I speak from my place of power, my Truth, my Bliss, your heart will hear me. Take in my words. Savor them. And maybe, hopefully, you will feel something. A little shift, a cataclysmic earthquake, a revolutionary moment. Just something. Because your intuition, your guide, whatever you choose to call it, speaks the same language as mine. It’s like our hearts are talking directly, bypassing the conscripted rules of speech, type, social norms.
There’s a reason the phrase “body language” exists- our bodies speak to one another in ways we can’t fully understand. And it’s powerful.
But so is fear. And we can live our lives subject to it- hide under the covers, write only in our most private journal, speak only to the mirror-and it will sap our life force until the end. Or we can face the beast and let it out. Up. Shine bright and hot. What I bring to the world isn’t perfect- but it is mine. Mine to give, my truth and my purpose. And fear has nothing on that.
In that most sacred space, the judgements won’t matter anymore. In that simple being, the gifting of essence, I am free from judgement. I reclaim my power from the fear, because I know I am speaking from my utmost truth. It is only for your heart to listen.
So today, I focus on my new mantra:
I open my heart to the world.
If I find myself with my hands at my chest {though I haven’t since my chat at the kitchen table}, I fold them into prayer, and then open them. Outwardly.
You’ve been looking for me? Here I am.
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